Friday, December 05, 2003
"THE MOST FUNCTIONAL WORD:
Thanks to Roger McD
Well, it's shit........
That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most
functional word in the
English language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit
together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit, sell shit,
Lose shit, find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
While others can't tell the difference between
shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
Dumb shits,
Crazy shits,
And sweet shits.
There is bull shit,
Horse shit
And chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
Sling shit,
Catch shit,
Shoot the shit,
Or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,
The wrong shit,
Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up a shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit,
And other times you fall in a bucket of shit and
come out smelling like a rose
When you stop to consider all the facts,
It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,
You don't need to know anything else!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit!
Thanks to Roger McD
Well, it's shit........
That's right, shit! Shit may just be the most
functional word in the
English language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit
together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit, sell shit,
Lose shit, find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
While others can't tell the difference between
shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
Dumb shits,
Crazy shits,
And sweet shits.
There is bull shit,
Horse shit
And chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
Sling shit,
Catch shit,
Shoot the shit,
Or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,
The wrong shit,
Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up a shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit,
And other times you fall in a bucket of shit and
come out smelling like a rose
When you stop to consider all the facts,
It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,
You don't need to know anything else!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit!
Thursday, December 04, 2003
“All James Bond is getting is water with a splash of Gin and Vermouth” President Josiah Bartlett
Could this be true? Have I finally reached the end? If I have found the perfect Martini does that mean no more Blogging?
Well let’s see. Big glass cup, ice, gin or vodka, a glass chilling on the side. Pour gin or vodka in big glass with ice and stir with long spoon (so the ice doesn’t get chipped) wash the chilling glass in a little vermouth and throw out then strain the big glass and pour. Garnish with olives if gin or lemon twist if vodka.
So here it is the perfect Martini and frankly I must agree with Jed Bartlett when he says that shaking the Martini will melt the ice faster turning your drink into dirty water with a splash of liquor.
But know what to do with the Blog? Should I continue? I think I fulfilled my mandate by finding the recipe. I know I have a lot more to say.
Let me know what you think.
Incidentally I owe a shout out to my friend Angie in Milan she’s the hottest woman I know and one of my best friends and an avid Blog reader (I hope). She was a little jealous of my posting about Gilli Moon but I’ve known Gilli a lot longer than I’ve known Angie and besides I do not have a postable picture of Angie
Could this be true? Have I finally reached the end? If I have found the perfect Martini does that mean no more Blogging?
Well let’s see. Big glass cup, ice, gin or vodka, a glass chilling on the side. Pour gin or vodka in big glass with ice and stir with long spoon (so the ice doesn’t get chipped) wash the chilling glass in a little vermouth and throw out then strain the big glass and pour. Garnish with olives if gin or lemon twist if vodka.
So here it is the perfect Martini and frankly I must agree with Jed Bartlett when he says that shaking the Martini will melt the ice faster turning your drink into dirty water with a splash of liquor.
But know what to do with the Blog? Should I continue? I think I fulfilled my mandate by finding the recipe. I know I have a lot more to say.
Let me know what you think.
Incidentally I owe a shout out to my friend Angie in Milan she’s the hottest woman I know and one of my best friends and an avid Blog reader (I hope). She was a little jealous of my posting about Gilli Moon but I’ve known Gilli a lot longer than I’ve known Angie and besides I do not have a postable picture of Angie
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
A client for JD
"Man steals snowplow to buy beer"
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. (AP) Sometimes it just pays to buy your supplies before a major winter storm hits.
A 34-year-old man is accused of stealing a $27,000 snowplow from a city of Hastings storage shed and driving it 20 miles to buy a case of beer from a convenience store in Grand Island.
Authorities said he paid for the beer, and gas for the snowplow, with a personal check early Thursday morning, just days after central Nebraska was dumped on by more than a foot of snow.
Grand Island police Capt. Larry Trosper said the man even showed the clerk identification for the check before driving off.
The clerk called police on the suspicion that the man was drunk.
The snowplow, a one-ton truck with a plow attached to the front, was recovered later Thursday at a Grand Island elementary school.
The Hastings man was arrested at a nearby residence and was being held at the Hall County jail.
Trosper said criminals like these make it easy for police to do their jobs.
"
"Man steals snowplow to buy beer"
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. (AP) Sometimes it just pays to buy your supplies before a major winter storm hits.
A 34-year-old man is accused of stealing a $27,000 snowplow from a city of Hastings storage shed and driving it 20 miles to buy a case of beer from a convenience store in Grand Island.
Authorities said he paid for the beer, and gas for the snowplow, with a personal check early Thursday morning, just days after central Nebraska was dumped on by more than a foot of snow.
Grand Island police Capt. Larry Trosper said the man even showed the clerk identification for the check before driving off.
The clerk called police on the suspicion that the man was drunk.
The snowplow, a one-ton truck with a plow attached to the front, was recovered later Thursday at a Grand Island elementary school.
The Hastings man was arrested at a nearby residence and was being held at the Hall County jail.
Trosper said criminals like these make it easy for police to do their jobs.
"
"Mouthwash - it just might get you drunk
This is the full article just so my Lawyer friends can cover their asses
DETROIT (AP) Be warned: 'Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.'
That label on a pair of shin guards beat out nearly 100 competitors Wednesday to win the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch’s Wacky Warning Labels contest.
'I picked up the label and found it absolutely ridiculous,' said Joe Schanderson, who won $500 for submitting the entry.
M-LAW, a nonprofit group formed in 1997, seeks to call attention to the effects of product-liability lawsuits. Contest winners were announced Wednesday after Michigan Talk Radio Network callers voted on five finalists two weeks ago.
Schanderson’s find beat out a label affixed to a toilet inside a public restroom: 'Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.'
Other runners-up included:
‘Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.'
A warning on an electric router: 'This product not intended for use as a dental drill.'
A warning on a novelty rock garden set (called 'Popcorn Rock'): 'Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!'
Dorigo Jones said many entries are discarded each year so as not to defeat an important message. Among those was a label printed on children’s toothpaste instructing parents to keep the paste away from children.
'It’s kind of funny on the surface, but we also know that if kids eat too much toothpaste, they can get sick,' Dorigo Jones said.
"
This is the full article just so my Lawyer friends can cover their asses
DETROIT (AP) Be warned: 'Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.'
That label on a pair of shin guards beat out nearly 100 competitors Wednesday to win the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch’s Wacky Warning Labels contest.
'I picked up the label and found it absolutely ridiculous,' said Joe Schanderson, who won $500 for submitting the entry.
M-LAW, a nonprofit group formed in 1997, seeks to call attention to the effects of product-liability lawsuits. Contest winners were announced Wednesday after Michigan Talk Radio Network callers voted on five finalists two weeks ago.
Schanderson’s find beat out a label affixed to a toilet inside a public restroom: 'Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.'
Other runners-up included:
‘Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.'
A warning on an electric router: 'This product not intended for use as a dental drill.'
A warning on a novelty rock garden set (called 'Popcorn Rock'): 'Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!'
Dorigo Jones said many entries are discarded each year so as not to defeat an important message. Among those was a label printed on children’s toothpaste instructing parents to keep the paste away from children.
'It’s kind of funny on the surface, but we also know that if kids eat too much toothpaste, they can get sick,' Dorigo Jones said.
"
"Be warned: 'Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.' "
NO CHIT!
Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft."
AND THEN
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!"
ALL WARNINGS FROM DIFFERENT NEW PRODUCTS!
NO CHIT!
Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft."
AND THEN
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!"
ALL WARNINGS FROM DIFFERENT NEW PRODUCTS!
"THE VACATION OF YOUR DREAMS AWAITS!!!!!"
Where? please someone tell me where it's waiting for me because I sure as hell need one.. And don't tell me I just had a few days off for turkey day or that the holidays are coming and I should spread some joy absolutely not I am not going to stand here spreading cheer and joy while I think I deserve a little recognition for my hard work. you might even say yeah but you work union hours in a union job. I will answer that I do my job as hard as the next guy and I get frustrated and tired myself... what I might not put in in long hours I put in in energy and care for these people!!!
end rant
I know I haven't been writing in a while but I also haven't been receiving any comments in a while so it would be nice if you all reciprocated sometimes or do I have to come all the way to Mulberry to beat it out of you?
warm fuzzies to all
Where? please someone tell me where it's waiting for me because I sure as hell need one.. And don't tell me I just had a few days off for turkey day or that the holidays are coming and I should spread some joy absolutely not I am not going to stand here spreading cheer and joy while I think I deserve a little recognition for my hard work. you might even say yeah but you work union hours in a union job. I will answer that I do my job as hard as the next guy and I get frustrated and tired myself... what I might not put in in long hours I put in in energy and care for these people!!!
end rant
I know I haven't been writing in a while but I also haven't been receiving any comments in a while so it would be nice if you all reciprocated sometimes or do I have to come all the way to Mulberry to beat it out of you?
warm fuzzies to all
